Thursday, March 18, 2010

10 Ways to Become Unpopular at the Rink

Friend and advisory board member R.H. once told me something like this:

The only people who are popular at the rink are those with no money and no talent.

Ouch. That seems harsh, R.H. However, I know people who have no money and kids with marginal skills who have made themselves wildly unpopular at the rink. I’m sure you know them, too.

  1. The future Olympic parent. My basic skills figure skater is going to the Olympics. I can tell. My skater is amazingly talented and dedicated. Athletic ability runs in our family – we’re all gifted and we have our own trophy room. Well, yes, my figure skater’s been in Basic Skills for five years, but she’s pacing herself. Level Four is very, very challenging.
  2. The solicitor. I hate to be the one to tell you, but as your friend, you should know that your skater’s figure skating coach doesn’t have good skills. She’s a low-level coach. If you’re serious, if your skater is ambitious, if you have a brain, you’ll switch to my daughter’s coach. You know, my skater’s figure skating coach passed her senior level whatevers and is rated a master fabuloso coach. All of her skaters go to nationals, at least twice. If you switched coaches, I’m sure your skater would have that jump by now. But, if you want to throw your money away, go ahead.
  3. The golden ager. Back in the day, things were just great here. The sun was always shining outside, the ice was perfect, our figure skating club had so much money, everyone loved one another, and skating was practically cost-free. Ah, yes. Those were the days.
  4. The expert. Judges, coaches, figure skating competition organizers don’t know what they’re doing. My skater is truly amazing, but the judges are against him. I tell you, judging is corrupt here. They’ll take just about anyone and give them a score sheet. Our figure skating coach is nice, but I don’t think that my skater has a tough enough program. I mean, he’s an advanced reader at school and in with students two grade levels above his. The coach should put my skater two levels up, too. He’s smart; he can handle it. And these figure skating competition organizers. Why would they set up the groups this way? Don’t they know that all of these kids are skating down? Didn’t they notice that kid at the last competition? I know he skated at a higher level. They’re stacking the deck on purpose so kids from their club win everything.
  5. The club critic. If I were on the figure skating club’s board, things would be different. I can’t believe that the board wants us to pay more, volunteer more, and attend mandatory meetings. Isn’t that why we pay club dues? I pay for this, so I shouldn’t be expected to do anything further. That’s for the little people to do. I don’t have time for this. I need to get my nails done.
  6. The parent of a gifted child. It took my figure skater just one lesson to land an Axel. Isn’t my skater fabulous? She’s only been skating three months and look! She already has her Axel. She’s working on her double Salchow, but, sadly, she only landed six last practice session. Your skater’s been working on her Axel, what? Eight months? Hmm. Yeah. Well, everyone at their own pace, you know. Not all kids are as talented as my skater. But, you know, she comes from a gymnastics and dance background. She was born at the barre, did I tell you? Funny story…
  7. The agent. These low level figure skaters keep getting in my skater’s way. She can’t land her triple-twisty thing because of all these little kids. You know, she’s the only one who has ever landed that jump in the history of this club/this rink/this region/the world. We should have ice just for her because she’s so amazing. She’s the reason that all these little kids are joining the club, you know. They want to be just like her. The figure skating club should subsidize her skating because she brings so many of these annoying low-level skaters to the rink. She’s put this club on the map.
  8. The rink stalker. So, who is your figure skater? Let me check my spreadsheet of all the skaters my daughter has ever competed against. Was she at this figure skating competition? Oh, yes, I see. It was last fall, No Test, and your skater placed third. Her scores were: 3, 3, 4, 3, 2. My daughter placed second out of eight skaters in that group. Want to see the photo? And two years ago, at that same competition, your daughter placed fifth in Basic 5. That time there were only five kids in the event. Oh, and here’s the photo. See? There’s my kid on the stand…
  9. The sidelines parent/coach. Get your arms up, skater! Pull your legs in. That’s it. Now drop and give me five sit spins. Alright. Do your program. Quit wasting time! That program was terrible. Do it again. Watch me. This is how you should move your legs. I don’t care if your coach said something else. This is my money we’re talking about. Don’t whine to me about your pain. Wipe your nose, toughen up, and get moving.
  10. The dream-on parent. Look, coach, I want my figure skater to place first at the figure skating competition next month. My skater should have new music and move up a level, too. No, no. I don’t have time to bring my skater to the rink for more lessons and practice. We can only get here every other Thursday, but this Thursday won’t work and neither will the next two. 
Wait! I forgot one!

The blogger. My husband has zero taste in music. Can you believe he wants our kid to figure skate to horror movie soundtracks? I should blog about him. My kid won't wake up. She's passed out in the van and people in the rink are waiting for her. I should blog about my kid, too. And you? Yeah, you in the blue. Don't tick me off, lady, 'cause I'll blog about you, too!
    This isn't the definitive field guide to unpopular rink parents, but it's a start. If you can identify others, let's start a taxonomy in the comments!

    Would you like to submit a question to Ask the Ice Moms? Do you have a question for Ice Mom, Ice Coach, or Ice Girl? Are you an expert and would like to share your knowledge? Want me to blog about you? E-mail me at icemom.diane@gmail.com.

    Ice Mom's Summer Camp Survey

    65 comments:

    Anonymous said...

    Thanks for the morning laugh! I could picture each of these types of people at our rink, of course none of them were me...well, maybe none of them!

    Jozet at Halushki said...

    LOL! Well, I will admit to sometimes being a sideline coach, mostly with droopy arms - I don't know why but my daughter's droopy arms make me nuts - and sometimes by asking she go through her moves one more time, especially if I've already sent in the check for $35.00. Some days my daughter wants me to watch every little thing and be her "mirror", and I can't STAND whining so I don't put up with it...okay, maybe I'm That Parent at times, lol.

    I'll try to keep a lid on it, though.

    And although I will often get a little too loud online talking about the new move my daughter mastered, I would never do it at the rink. But bear with me...after watching a child fall on their butt/hip/elbow for 4-8 months straight learning that move, I have to tell *someone*. ;-) If it comes across as the parent of a gifted skater, believe me, I have nothing to back that up.

    Can't think of any others. That list is pretty thorough. Luckily, I haven't come across some of these or only in passing. Whew! I'm sure some rinks could just be exhausting.

    bethalice said...

    I admit, I am a bragger. My dd fights for nearly every new skill. It does not come naturally. And she is one of the skaters at the rink the most, practicing. She has had a difficult time, and was almost diagnosed with a social anxiety before we stumbled upon skating. So when she practices, and skates her heart out, yeah, I am very proud and brag. I try not to though, because I realize it can be annoying to others, especially if they don't know the whole story. Now when Grandma is there, she holds nothing back! LOL

    As for being a sideline parent, I plead the 5th!

    jumpingbeanmom said...

    LOL on droopy arms, I used to do that to my dd, but her new coaching team is way harder on her than I could be- I am telling you that Russian girl has eyes in the back of her head and sees her droopy arms (shoulders, unpointed toe, you name it) when she is skating and looking in another direction and manages to get my girls attention clear across the rink about it! I too do most of my bragging here on line.

    On a side note, I often have other parents compliment her on her skating (to me) and I never know what to say - don't want to sound too braggy but don't want to diminish her skills and work either- I usually just smile and say thanks even though all I did was write checks!

    Xan said...

    These are great. I could put a name to every one of those. Unfortunately, you left me out; I'm the one who steers every conversation to her daughter. (ouch). Then theres Super Volunteer--"oh you put me in the locker room with low freestyle? I've been around the rink so long, I'm going to go monitor the high freestyle girls. I know you think that 17-year-olds don't really don't somebody's mother in there helping them out, but you never know. Plus I'll just check in on all the other stations as well and make sure they're doing it right. And by the way? There was a problem in the low freestyle room. Could someone please come deal with that?

    Ice Mom said...

    I'm glad you guys took this with good humor. I'm sure everyone can see themselves somewhere in here!

    I know I forgot one:

    The Vacationer. We just got back from the Bahamas and then we're taking the girls to Disney World for Spring Break. When we come back, we'll take a long weekend in Colorado for our last ski trip. For Memorial Day weekend, we'll take the girls out of school a little early and go to Hilton Head - so nice this time of year. Of course in the summer we take our two-month tour of Europe. The shopping is just amazing!

    bethalice said...

    The Vacationer - you just described me! Well, in my dream world. LOL!

    Ice Mom said...

    And another:

    The gal with amazing highlights. Doesn't my hair just glisten in the sunlight? See how the sun's rays have kissed my hair and turned some strands an attractive blonde or caramel color. Well, yes, I pay a fortune for it, but I just get it touched up every week when I get my manicure and pedicure. Have you been to my spa? I tell you, I have a standing appointment for a massage every Tuesday and Thursday. She has magic fingers, that gal.


    Again: most unpopular person at the rink: The Blogger.

    Ice Mom said...

    Xan! Mom? Is that you?

    I'm telling you, my mother tells everyone (store clerks, waiters, postal clerks, dental hygenists) that I was an exchange student 20 years ago and my daughter is a figure skater.

    So, Xan, level with me: do you wear a fur hat that barks?

    Ice Mom said...

    Oh, Xan. Super Volunteer. She's the one who won't clean the toilets, right? She has a beautiful manicure, too, right?

    Hate her.

    Ice Mom

    P.S. This is how you lose readers. Take notes, everyone! Again: most unpopular person: The Blogger.

    Ice Mom said...

    Hey, jumpingbeanmom.

    You know, I'm lousy at taking compliments on behalf of Ice Girl, too. She's good, but I just don't want to appear The Bragger.

    I think thank you is good, but is seems...mousy.

    Good topic for a post!

    Thanks!

    Ice Mom

    Jozet at Halushki said...

    Heh. Once people find out I'm a blogger, I notice they become verrrrrrry careful what they say around me. ;-)

    Ice Mom said...

    Hey, Jozet.

    Maybe this blogging thing explains why no one sits next to me in the skate rink lobby anymore...

    Ice Mom

    becky said...

    Oh Ice Mom I love this!! I really need to share this with my fellow facebook skatemoms.
    I hope that is ok!!
    Becky

    Ice Mom said...

    Help yourself, Becky.

    Do you know why I have masks on this post?

    Because I'm going to need one myself!

    Ice Mom

    Anonymous said...

    I thought I had escaped this as an adult skater. I just witnessed a 29 year old skater in an adult competition being followed closely by her mom, camera in hand, snapping pictures of dd doing everything from tying up her skates to wearing the new skate dress she just bought in the pro shop because the custom one her daughter designed wasn't "_____" enough......

    Ugh!!!

    Yes adultmom was getting dirty looks from lots of people since she wasn't shy about using a flash while others were on the ice, in the warm up room, trying to concentrate before competing, etc.

    Ice Mom said...

    Hello, Anony.

    Yes, I forgot one, didn't I?

    The obsessed fan. Look at my daughter! She can glide on one foot. And she's so fast. Let me stand up in the bleachers so I can see her better. Look, everyone! She's just amazing. We should all clap for her 1:30 program. Does anyone want her autograph? She'll be signing photos next to the medal stand. I'm going to call the press once she wins. A TV crew should see this.

    Ice Mom said...

    If you're thinking: Ice Mom has no friends, you're probably right. After this, no one will talk to me. Ever.

    Especially not my mother and her poodle hat.

    Ice Mom said...

    I forgot another:

    Scary Mom (also known as: Who Has Child Protective Services on Speed Dial?) Get your tights on, you lousy slob! Didn't I tell you to polish your boots? I don't care if you ever skate again, but I sure as heck am not going to pay for lessons for a loser. Why is your hair tangled? I have to yank, yank, yank this comb through your hair to get anything done. It's a rat's nest. Quit your blubbering, you spoiled brat.

    Alice in Wonderland said...

    I have one!

    The Sewer -
    See all the wonderfull custom skirts my daughter wears in practice? Isn't the tiger stripe fabric fun! And the matching puppy paw print boot covers to go with the skirt? I just learned on the Ice Mom blog site how to dye silk! Look at my wonderful new competition dress, hand dyed silk skirt, fully lined, and custom rhinestones, all at a fraction of the cost that a dressmaker would charge. What? You don't sew? Let me tell you how you can do it! I'm sure you can learn! I'm going to learn to create an ombre effect on her next competition dress, I just don't know if I should try dip dying the silk, or airbrushing. Let's discuss it in the lobby/monitor booth while I add more rhinestones to my daughters dress.


    I'm LOL!

    Ice Mom said...

    Oh, no, Alice!

    I think I'm The Sewer!

    No, I know I'm The Sewer!

    Ice Mom

    falen said...

    Those damn droopy arms! I think that is the only time I lose it, mainly because poor dear coach has to say "ARMS" about 50 times a lesson. I'm not kidding! She will make a wonderful mom because she never gets tired of repeating herself!

    Anonymous said...

    I think you need to add the lessonnazi. Or maybe the money means better nazi.
    That is the mom that thinks that lots of lessons a day make a skater better. Oh, you only have two lessons a week? Sally sees her coach for an hour every day and then an hour with another coach daily.She also has the 800.00 boot and 500.00 blade. Oh you mean your skater doesnt? Oh she will never get better without that you know...
    My daughter attended regionals this year.She placed higher than skaters with higher jumps and more lessons daily.
    Its not all about the jumps or about how much money you spend on bags,dresses, blades or lessons.And it shouldnt be just about those either.

    Alice in Wonderland said...

    I know I'm "The Sewer" - I just had to poke fun at myself before someone else did!

    Denise said...

    The Know-It-All
    They know more than you about everything. They ask you a lot of questions about what do and buy. But, they can always top you and constantly point that fact out to you. They get the best deals on hotels. They pay the least for ice time at various rinks. They get the best deals on skates and apparel. They think they know the ins and outs on EVERYTHING. I never trust them because I don't think they are getting the best deals--they just want us to believe they are.
    Everyone is looking for a good deal, so share your knowledge freely but don't make it a contest.

    jumpingbeanmom said...

    How about the Unsolicited Excuse Maker - you know, the mom who offers you all kind of reasons her kid isn't doing what SHE wishes she was doing.....oh sweetpea cannot do her axel because of her first lousy coach, because she quit for a while, because she grew so much, because she got hurt, because the moon and the stars were not aligned........like I even ASKED if she could...exhausting to say the least.

    Ragamama said...

    Do you even have to do anything in particular to become popular/unpopular? Seriously! At times I swear it feels like high school all over. It's really a no win situation.

    Ice Mom said...

    Hi, Ragamama.

    Yeah, it's a lot like high school. Except now I'm mature enough to laugh at all these people. And myself, too.

    Do we ever really graduate?

    Ice Mom

    Anonymous said...

    Skating parents are all guilty of at least one of these. I know I've done some of them. It's also one thing to be proud of your skater for successes; it's another to brag, brag and brag. The parents that go on and on about how great their skater is, especially those that do it in front of the other skaters, I think they must have some kind of a complex. It's inappropriate and makes the parent look petty. Not to mention the fact that it's totally annoying. All the kids are great skaters in their own way and each progress at their own pace. I've learned that being a supportive observer of not only my skater, but all the skaters, is the best reward a skating parent can give.

    Ice Mom said...

    Oh, absolutely, Anony! I think we all have pieces of these people in ourselves - but do we use that potential for good or for e-e-e-evil?

    I know I'm the The Obsessed Fan, The Sewer, and the Know-It-All. I try not to be Scary Mom, but I admit that when Ice Girl doesn't move her butt cheeks and we're late, I become possessed with her. (Scary voice, whirled peas)

    I love being supportive of everyone - that fosters a wonderful rink climate. Kudos to you!

    However, I think we have to recognize our potential for the Good Skating Mom as well as the Wacko Skating Mom. Plus, it's good to laugh at ourselves sometimes!

    Only with acceptance can we have recovery!

    Brought to you courtesy of: Psycho-analyzing Mom

    angel said...

    Difference between saying to your skater, dont waste time, or do another run though vs every day being a total B***h to your skater.
    We all have days where we all do some of the above.At the end of the day, we arent skating.Its not our music,not our body that hurts from falling,not our drive that helps pass tests,not our nerves on the ice,and not our passion as well.Its the skaters. All we can do is be with them on the journey and let them go when they are done.

    Anonymous said...

    LOL! These were FUNNY! :) Though i think that they're not just limited to moms (or dads). They extend over the skaters themselves and coaches too. For example: IceDiva is a cross between the Agent and the Parent of a Gifted Child, only she (sometimes he, but usually she) isn't a parent. Generally this species of skater has been raised by an Agent or Parent of a Gifted Child and has been deluded into thinking that will be the next YuNa Kim/Michelle Kwan/Christi Yamaguchi/Midori Ito/Dorothy Hamill (the list goes on and on.) Unfortunately, the bulk of my rink is dominated by these types of skaters. *sigh*

    Anonymous said...

    you forgot Smug Skater Mom. Teh one who thinks she is perfect, has a perfect child, and is discustingly happy to tell you how you're imperfect. Maybe she's little miss perfect all grown up.

    PairsMom said...

    The H.M.M.
    (High Maintenance Mother) The one who can't take their skater here or there or pick them up on time. They drop their kid off at the rink for hours while they do their own thing, never watching or being supportive of their child's sport. They are always involved in their own personal "drama" and want to share every detail. They constantly complain about the competition but never get involved or volunteer. And LAST they are NEVER happy and NEVER smile.
    Thanks for letting me "vent"

    CRH said...

    Hey, I'm the sewer!
    Wanna have a hot fix duel?

    I second the nomination for High Maintenance Mothers.

    I nominate the Snide Remark Mother. "what a nice axel. Too bad her skirt is too short in the back". Hello? What does that have to do with anything?

    and the:

    The One-Up Excuse Mother"

    "Oh I know her double sal needs work but that's because she was playing volleyball in a state tournament last weekend. You know she would make the state team if she didn't spend so much time figure skating"
    At volleyball she probably says "my daughter would go to skating regionals if she wasn't so good at volleyball and the team should appreciate her sacrifice"

    Ice Mom said...

    Yes, C.R.H., I want to have a hotfix duel!

    Bejewellers and crystals at dawn!

    Xan said...

    Well, if we really want to get in trouble, we're going to have to do one about coaches, and then about skating directors.

    Anonymous said...

    For those of us that need to work on our "popularity" at the rink, maybe IceMom's next post should be on "10 Ways to Become Popular at the Rink"? Seems as though a lot of people could use the advise...

    Ice Mom said...

    Ha! Xan, I'm going to leave the post about unpopular coaches to you! That should be a fun one to read. Let me know when you post it!

    Ice Mom said...

    After reading this Anony, I've come to realize that I'm the one who needs the advice!

    Most people at the rink don't know that I blog, which is good.

    Those that do are going to be pointing sharp objects at me and calling for my head.

    Which is bad.

    Ice Mom

    Helicopter Mom said...

    This post, including all the comments, might be my favorite so far, Ice Mom!!! Yeah, I recognize myself in several of these (although all I'll admit to is the highlights!) and am a bit relieved that I'm not the only one!

    Ice Mom said...

    Hey, Helicopter.

    I'm glad you like it.

    I no longer have friends, but as long as you're happy...

    Wait! I'm the Smart-Mouthed Mom! You know her? She always says the wrong thing at the wrong time. Her skater never makes eye contact with anyone because she doesn't want to be recognized as Smart-Mouthed Mom's kid. This mom goes for the punchline without thought to consequences, feelings, or how she'll ever show her face in the rink again. Smart-Mouthed Mom needs a muzzle. And a leash. And a secret identity.

    You think glasses and/or a cape will fool anyone at the rink? Me neither.

    Ice Mom

    Jillybean said...

    First of all, I would love photographic evidence of this poodle hat.

    Does it really bark?


    Hi, I'm Jill, I'm the sewer. My kid always has the most amazing practice dresses..........
    Or at least she did until she decided that she would rather wear skating pants instead of dresses. "Well sweetheart, I could probably make you some really cute skating pants, I could sew on some appliques over here, maybe a few cutouts and some rhinestones......"
    "No, Mom! Plain black skating pants please."

    I can't believe that you forgot this mom.
    "We weren't able to land our axel today, probably because our skates haven't been sharpened for a while. We were skidding into our spins, so you can tell for sure that our blades are a bit dull. In our lesson yesterday we took a bad fall and now we have a big bruise on our knee, I hope it goes away before the competition, because I think the bruise will show under our tights."

    There! That's MY pet peeve!

    Back in the good old days when I was skating, you know, when freestyle ice cost $1.80 per session (I'm not kidding, it really was) (and NO I'm not THAT old) we had all of these personalities running around at our rink too.
    I think my favorite was one winter when some of the one upper moms had a "Who can wear the most expensive fur coat to the rink at 5:00 in the morning" contest.
    It wasn't an actual organized contest, it just happened when one mom came to the rink in her fur, and then not to be outdone, the next day another wore hers, then before you knew it, there was a group of moms coming to the rink in their sweats or jammies under their full length Silver Fox or whatever coats, and then the first mom to wear the fur got all offended because everyone was only wearing their furs to copy her. (I only wish I was joking, it really happened)


    And I want in on this whole Bedazzing showdown.

    Ice Mom said...

    Hello, Jillybean.

    The poodle hat exists. Alright. Maybe it's not poodle, but it's definately furry and I swear it's snapped at me.

    OMG! I forgot the Royal We Mom How could I, I mean, how could WE have forgotten her?

    You made me snort in my coffee.

    A fur coat contest! Jill, that's the funniest freaking thing I've heard. Wouldn't it be a riot for people to send in photos of their furs? What a beautiful thing that would be! Readers could vote on Best in Show, Best of Breed, and Best Working Class! Ha!

    Of course, you can join our HotFix duel. BYOB - Bring Your Own Bejeweller!

    Anonymous said...

    My contribution is the child dumping parent. This is the parent that dumps all her bad/a** (sorry for my french) kids off at the rink and speeds away in her minivan or fancy sports car (if she has a lot of money)to go get her hair done, mani/pedi, personal shopping, drinks or lunch with her girlfriends, whatever her excuse for getting rid of her kids so she does not have to be responsible for them.

    My second contribution is obnoxcious, loudmouth, helicoptor dad. This is a father who is worse than any helicopter mother. He is at the rink everytime his child is on the ice and he is yelling to his child from the very top of the bleachers. He thinks what he is doing is helping his child but it is only hurting the skater. He will also yell at other skaters if they are getting in his childs way. He is also usually a club board member who thinks his behavior is beyond reproach.

    My third contribution is instigator mom or instigator dad, these are parents that like to gossip and complain about everyting. They just want someone to listen to them spew evil about everyone except their prescious angels on the ice.

    I think your observation skills of unpopular parents is priceless. Keep bringing the laughs ice mom!:)
    Seasonedsk8rmom

    Ice Mom said...

    OMG, Season!

    You know Helicopter Dad, too? I can't believe he's on the board! How did that happen?

    Oooh. Instigator Mom. Around her I call her Poison, but I think I know who you mean. Unhappy gal, about this tall, with a frown? She's always talking in a low voice with someone and spreading malicious rumors, right?

    Yeah. Can't stand her. She needs a hobby and some therapy.

    It's like we're at the same rink, Season!

    Ice Mom

    bethalice said...

    How about Bully Mom/Dad? Who wants things their way, and only their way, or won't help with the show or competition. Doesn't matter if they are in the club or not, because their service is so "invaluable" they can get their way.

    "What? You want me to sew the trim on the skirts? Well, since you know I am the only one that can do it, I will only do it if you let me coach the show. I know I have no experience, but it's my way or the highway!"

    Ice Mom said...

    Ooh, Bethalice.

    These people hold others hostage.

    Very nasty, indeed.

    Ice Mom

    Nica said...

    My personal favorite is the "We-mom". She, very simply, is that mom that refers to her skater as "we" constantly, either because she is living through her child (i.e. we are very excited to be going to regionals this year!) or because she is threatening her skater ("we are planning on adding a bit more height to that double-double before sectionals, because we paid a lot for all those lessons", usually followed by a glaring "right?" directed at their cowering offspring)

    Should you ever make the mistake of inquiring about her skater, prepare to hear a dissertation on every detail of "our skating" or "our plans" or "our jumps". amusing, but the poor kid.

    Kate said...

    I'm pretty sure I'm "Crazy Over-Buyer" mom. I know she could have used the rental skates and she doesn't need skates for basic 1, but...

    She also didn't need the skirts or dresses, but she looks so cute! ;)

    Ice Mom said...

    Hi, Kate!

    I think I'm The Pushover Mom. Kid sees something and I say No. NO! Then buy it.

    She's an only child. That's not an excuse, but...

    Ice Mom

    Ice Mom said...

    Kate:

    Forgot: one of my friends said to me:

    "Ice Girl's an only child? But she's so normal."

    I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my stool.

    Ice Mom

    Ice Mom said...

    More to add to the list:

    Chronically Late Mom. Shows up to everything 10 minutes late with some lame excuse. Can be seen speeding south on the freeway at 5:45 a.m. Ice is at 6. Knows where all the state troopers hide. Mother of Just-10-More-Minutes Daughter also known as The Drag-Her-Feet Specialist.

    The Rules Don't Apply to Me Mom Walks on water, defies laws of gravity and physics, ignores local ordinances, and believe figure skating club rules are for everyone else. Insists on never paying late contract fees and encourages skater to use the lobby as a locker room. When she is ice monitor, plays daughter's music over and over and bumps other skaters' music for no reason. Skater notorious for not following ice rules, too.

    Ice Mom said...

    Hi, Kate!

    Your Crazy Over-Buyer Mom made me think of this mom:

    Way Too Much Bling Mom This mom needs to have a Swarovski intervention. She puts crystals on anything that's not tied down: dresses, skates, phones, eye glasses, purses, socks, dog collars, cat boxes, and hubby's briefcase. She can eyeball a crystal and tell you if it's Volcano or Topaz Glacier Blue and if it's SS19 or SS20. Her skater wears so much bling on the ice that she blinds the judges with the sparkle.

    Crap. I think I might be that mom, too.

    I know R.H. is, even though she doesn't have kids! Ha!

    Ice Mom

    Ice Mom said...

    Aw, nuts. I'm Chronically Late Mom, too.

    Kate said...

    Re: Too Much Bling mom...the coach was tying Lil's skates the other day and suggested I put crystals on the back of her skates just like this other little one had. I could have killed him! She had been begging me for then, but I told her it was only for people in higher levels. The little girl is Lil's age, but just did her first competition, so I'm not sure what level. Thanks for ruining it dude!! I had myself convinced that it was a waste too. It's so sparkly though. Thank god I have no idea how to put them on or even where to get them!

    Ice Mom said...

    Oh, yeah, Kate.

    Ice Coach is doing up the back of her skate with crystals, so naturally Ice Girl wants them, too.

    Ice Girl wears over-the-boot tights for competitions, so the bling won't show.

    What does show, however, is the solid green glitter varnish on the bottom of her skates. Hard to hide that, I.G.

    Ice Mom

    Kate said...

    I have another mom to contribute that I haven't seen here. I met her tonight. Her name is "He/She is living my dream" mom. I swear that woman must have mentioned that she used to skate, but didn't get anywhere 1000 times in 30 min. Had both her son and daughter out there and every two minutes during free skate, her son asked to come off the ice. Livin' the dream alright!

    Ice Mom said...

    Oh, Kate. I think I sat next to her on Sunday! Every other sentence is, "I used to skate, too, you know."

    Why did she have to sit next to me? I could not shake her, even after a strategic exit to the restroom.

    Ice Mom

    bethalice said...

    Stumbled across another one - the lobby parent. We have one of these.
    http://www.skatepsa.com/PDF%20Documents/Guidelines-For-New-Parents.pdf

    Ice Mom said...

    Hey, bethalice.

    Great article. I call these people POISON.

    They can be parents, coaches, or skaters. Their goal is to spread their bitterness and resentment like a virus.

    Move away, wash your hands, and sit with the positive people. That's what I do.

    Ice Mom

    Pghicemom said...

    Wow- I think you've caught most of them and many variations. I think we have at least one of each at our rink.... we also have what I think of as the "uninformed parent".. the ones who have appear to have no clue about what a skill is or what it should look like, despite sitting in stands for hours.. but, who know that their skater can do everything perfectly...

    Ice Mom said...

    Hey, Pghicemom!

    Thanks for the comment.

    I tell you, one of the moms I avoid is a variation on clueless mom.

    This is vapid mom. I see her coming and I go to the bathroom.

    Vapid mom is very nice, but she's the sort who doesn't need to blink as often as most people. She asks a question about skating, which is fine, and I tell her. The next week she asks the same question. And the next week. I don't know how she finds the rink every Saturday. Honestly.

    Ice Mom

    Anonymous said...

    you all forgot one

    missappear mom

    this mom is never there. she doesn't even drop the kid off at practice a babysitter dose while she dose god knows what. she had probably never watched a practice in her life and you begin to wonder if she even exist. this is the mom who never volunteers and only shows up at competitions. she is very unpopular at rinks sometimes even less liked than dragon lady mom.

    Anonymous said...

    you all forgot one

    missappear mom

    this mom is never there. she doesn't even drop the kid off at practice a babysitter dose while she dose god knows what. she had probably never watched a practice in her life and you begin to wonder if she even exist. this is the mom who never volunteers and only shows up at competitions. she is very unpopular at rinks sometimes even less liked than dragon lady mom.