Allow your skater to fill out the ice contract

When Ice Girl first started figure skating, I filled out the ice contract every month. Ice Girl sometimes complained that her ice was at an inconvenient time because of a sleepover, dance, or party. Boy, I hate to contract and lose that money if she doesn't skate.

Ice Girl and I clashed a few times before I wised up and had her fill out the contracts for the month. Yes, she's 13, but I think that even younger kids can do it with Mom's or Dad's help.

Here's my process:

1. We prepare to collaborate. Ice Girl and I sit down at the dining room table with the month's calendar and two copies of the ice contract - the real one and the mark-up.


2. We renew our commitment. Is this really what Ice Girl wants to do? How about track? School play? You still like it? Is there anything we need to change? What's going right?


3. We decide on the number of hours. This really comes from me. Here's the number of hours I can afford and still buy groceries. We block off lessons and other obligations. These contract and non-contract dates are set in stone.


4. We set her loose with a pencil. I encourage Ice Girl to keep a tally of the hours at the end of each week so we know she isn't over or under the amount.


5. We discuss and double-check. I review her work and transfer it to the real contract. At the end I say to Ice Girl, "You know that these are your hours and your choices. You are not allowed to schedule over them without a loss of hours on next month's contract. Do you understand?"


6. We stick to it. I don't make any decisions about skating without running them through Ice Girl first. "Will I.G. do summer off-ice?" My answer: I'm not sure. Let me ask her what she wants to do.

I think this is smart policy for many reasons:

1. Fewer arguments about competing activities. They're the hours you wanted, Ice Girl. Contract differently next month.


2. More buy-in. You wanted these hours, Ice Girl, wake up! Come on: 6 a.m. ice. Get up!


3. More reflection. Is this what you really want to do, Ice Girl? Because you have to make choices, you know. You can reduce the number of hours you skate and participate in the musical.


4. Tames the psycho mom in me. I don't want to be the mom who forces my kid out on the ice, kicking and screaming. I don't want to be the mom who makes her kid skate well beyond the time when the kid no longer wants to set foot in a rink.

I want to be Ice Mom, not Mommy Dearest.