Newbie: hard guards and skate shows

This is going to be quick since my home computer is on the fritz and I'm posting from the library.

The newbie lesson for the day involves a locker room full of giggling girls at a figure skate show. If you haven't experienced this, here's how it goes:

"Where are my blade guards?" asks a small voice.

"Well," I reply. "What color are they?"

"Pink [insert purple here, too] with sparkles."

Some helpful shrimpy kid gathers up all the skate guards and presents them to me like a bouquet of pink and purple sparkly plastic.

"Are any of these yours?" I ask the small voiced-girl.

"No."

Of course not!

Newbie lesson: Do not buy pink or purple blade guards/hard guards! Every girl and her next-of-kin has pink/purple blade guards. Black, I tell you. Of course Ice Girl has purple blade guards. I'm going to write her name on those guards with a Sharpie and then replace them with the ugliest ones I can find.